Bobby Carroll's Movie Diary

We watched The Bishop’s Wife, The Holdovers and (of course) Trading Places on the big day but here are was the running order during the build-up.

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Brian Henson directs Michael Caine, Dave Goelz and Steve Whitmire in this meta adaptation of Charles Dickens’ perennial Christmas classic.

One of the best examples of “The Christmas Movie Boost”. It is a fine movie, ranking in quality comfortably in the middle of the charts for a Muppets production. It is funny, warm and self aware. But it ain’t the funniest, warmest or snarkiest by a long shot. Add that festive cheer though and people treat it like an all-timer, gold standard. Caine playing this as if it requires a proper Oscar Worthy performance plus Gonzo and Rizzo’s narration pump it up for me. I do desire more Fozzy and Miss Piggy in my Henson joints though. The songs are a tad meh. It is in most people my age’s annual viewing rotation when really the way superior The Muppet Movie should be their yearly fixture.

7

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (2000)

Ron Howard directs Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen and Jeffrey Tambor in this Dr. Seuss adaptation about the odious outsider who learns to love Christmas.

Post-Ace Ventura and The Mask, this the Jim Carrey ad libs unleashed performance we were waiting on. He got respectability and then he let it all run loose in one of ugliest studio kiddies’ movies I have seen. None of it gels together. And even if Jim is up to 11 that becomes grating when he doesn’t really have anyone to bounce off of. Kelley the dog as Max deserves a pay rise. A Christmas before nightmares.

5

Klaus (2019)

Carlos Martínez López and Sergio Pablos direct Jason Schwartzman, J.K. Simmons and Rashida Jones in this animated Christmas movie where an exiled postman and a hermit toymaker invent Christmas in an alternate history / fairy tale.

Beautiful hand drawn animation recalling the Disney Renaissance era. Alva the school teacher / love interest is straight out of the Megara from Hercules school for example. There are a few iffy anachronistic musical choice that let the magic down. Maybe it takes a beat too long to get going?

7

Silent Night Bloody Night (1972)

Theodore Gershuny directs Patrick O’Neal, James Patterson and Mary Woronov in this pre-slasher chiller where a man inherits a mansion which once was a mental home.

Weird indie seemingly hobbled together from three attempts to make spooky films around the same location. We get a cast shift every half an hour. I’m not entirely sure what happened by the end but the tone changes at every new act are welcome. It is a weird and a creepy experience, closer to Herk Harvey’s Carnival Of Souls than Halloween. Slow, impending doom and mystery. The sepia toned flashback finale is sad and unnerving. The faces of the restless mob of insane often eerily blurred.

5

Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger direct David Farrar, Kathleen Byron and Jack Hawkins in this WWII drama where an injured scientist resists alcoholism while trying to solve how to defuse a new booby trapped Nazi bomb.

Made as a small scale, black and white palette cleanser by The Archers after the big arty colourful gambles of A Matter of Life and Death, Black Narcissus and The Red Shoes. Yet utterly vibrant, intelligent and mature. There are many subplots here that fuse together into two memorable sequences in the second half. Farrar spends a night battling with the bottle after the stress of work grinds him down. We go visually crazy for a minute… turning his staid blackout London flat into a surrealistic nightmare. And the finale sees him out on his own on a beachhead… hungover… and defusing a bomb that killed his colleague. A scene that grips you like a vice. He has nothing left to live for so he could (and maybe should) die. Amazingly acted. Farrar and Byron’s adult romance is tinged with sadness but has a frank heat. Great little movie.

8

Perfect Double Bill: 49th Parallel (1941)

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James L Brooks directs Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis and Albert Brooks in this political comedy where a young idealistic politician’s personal life falls apart the day she is inaugurated to governor.

A very classy hot mess with some keenly witty moments but seemingly zero focus. The real buried treasure here is Albert Brooks’ seasoned glad-hander and his relationship with the titular heroine. There’s a great movie there if they dial back the noise and make the core relationship them navigating the handover. Anyway, Brooks (Albert) is pitch perfect and it is lovely to see him back for half a dozen sparkling scenes. There’s nothing too wrong with the remaining Nineties modded farce that swirls around Mackey’s (hopefully) star making performance. It is all just a bit too much. Perhaps Brooks (James L) tried to get every draft shot of the long gestating project. Using that not-quite-there-yet de-aging tech for flashback of people only in their thirties is the only true no-no. And he hits that jarring button way too many times. Strong ensemble, made for adults but still with a sense of fun, I wish we got a movie like this every month… but then I probably would score Ella McCay a little harsher. The closest movie I can compare it to is Cameron Crowe’s Aloha. Remember that one? No? It has the same fuzzy energy and I reckon if audiences had a clearer idea from the start as to what the end destination might be they’d grip onto it tighter… earlier. Both movies are worth the effort but too easy to give up on due to squirrely storytelling. Spoon feed us, for fuck sake. It is sadly essential in 2025.

6

Perfect Double Bill: Aloha (2015)

Anders Thomas Jensen directs David Dencik, Mads Mikkelsen, and Nikolaj Lie Kaas in this Danish comedy where two outcast brothers discover a horrible truth about themselves and their relatives.

Very The League of Gentlemen. If you wanna watch Mads in a bad perm wig compulsively masturbate behind trees and five grown men whack each other on the head with oversized cudgels then this is the movie for you. A grimly weird comedy with some unforgettably daft moments.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Festen (1998)

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John Glen directs Roger Moore, Christopher Walken and Grace Jones in this swan song OO7 adventure for the lovely Roger Moore incarnation of the evergreen superspy.

So much wrong with this one. Rog is too old for the action so he is constantly replaced with poorly obscured stunt doubles. Tanya Roberts is possibly the most insipid of the Bond girls. It feels like there is more filler than thriller. Pretty cheesy… playing both past its sell by date and 1985 desperately fashionable at the same time. BUT… it is James Bond and there are saving graces. Zorin and Mayday are iconic villains played by screen chomping performers. A plot that kept Bond and them in more close proximity throughout would have been very strong. And if Rog is a bit too arthritic for the rough and tumble then why not lean into that? In all honesty they kinda do. People be leaping off airships, and the Eiffel Tower, while snowboarding down the slopes and then fighting on the highest point of Golden Gate Bridge. No other EON adventure mixes excitement with heavy hitter landmarks quite like this. Patrick Macnee is wandering about the first act in his wedding day best and it feels like he is naturally part of the old recurring gang. Rog gets his fuck on four times, the old charming dog. That Duran Duran theme song is an elite entry into the canon. The credits have UV sexy camp appeal. One of the worst Bonds… it is so casually baggy… but would instantly rewatch in a heartbeat.

5

Perfect Double Bill: Octopussy (1983)

George Roy Hill directs Paul Newman, Michael Ontkean and Lindsay Crouse in this ice hockey comedy where a failing team start to play dirty in the hope that a new buyer might stop them from being folded up.

Solid sports comedy. The right mix of boorish behaviour and lived in grit. Obviously Newman elevates this from being standard product. His cocksure interactions with the female characters are easily the best scenes. Maybe that is actually damning praise for the ice hockey sequences? Who knows…

6

Perfect Double Bill: Miracle (2004)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin

Peter Watkins directs Dick Graham, Michael Aspel and Kathy Staff in this docudrama depicting a hypothetical nuclear attack on Britain.

Harrowing stuff. Mainly replicating what has happened in previous mass bombings of the 20th century and relocating it in Home Counties Britain. The government and the BBC stopped this from airing. You can absolutely see why. The nightmare conjured up is gruesome, inescapable and all too plausible. The dystopia we flirted dangerously with right up until I was a kid.

8

Perfect Double Bill: Culloden (1964)

Jafar Panahi directs Vahid Mobasseri, Mariam Afshari and Ebrahim Azizi in this Iranian satire where a family’s car trouble brings them into the path of someone with dark intentions.

The less you know about this one the better. The first act is crammed full of playful mystery and building suspense. Ever so gripping. Once you get a grip on certain characters motivations then a different film emerges. It shifts into comedy. A sort of PTSD farce. More Little Miss Sunshine in a corrupt regime. And then towards the end we lurch across tones again. Some of the non-professional performances are very good.

7

Perfect Double Bill: Crimson Gold (2004)

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Albert Pyun director Lee Horsley, Kathleen Beller and Simon MacCorkindale in this fantasy romp where an adventurer carries a three bladed sword that shoots.

The first half an hour we pelt through the decades of backstory. Something so simple shouldn’t be this hard to follow. Once it settles the artificial atmosphere might be cheap but it is heavy. There are horror flick level gore and creature effects. Plenty of heaving bosoms and daring do by a motley crew too. If you let it wash over you The Sword & The Sorcerer actually is a better viewing experience than the Conans. Just has mucky fun in a lot of random moments, nothing stilted.

5

Perfect Double Bill: The Beastmaster (1982)

Petra Biondina Volpe directs Leonie Benesch, Sonja Riesen and Alireza Bayram in this drama where an overworked nurse battles to give all her patients humane care and attention during an understaffed shift.

Leonie Benesch showing shades of competency, concern, stress, anger, frustration, defiance and fear in one near blank expression is becoming a sub-genre of modern cinema in and of itself.

7

Perfect Double Bill: The Hospital (1971)

I write regular features about live comedy for British Comedy Guide here https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/bobby_carroll/features/ and my own Substack https://substack.com/@edinburghlaughterbulletin